“Eh, Venezuela ain’t that bad”

As crooked Hilary Clinton and stupid Bernie Sanders battle it out for the Democratic nomination I decided to try and get an interview with the infamous ignorant old grouch – Stupid Bernie Sanders. I was lucky enough to catch him after his decisive delegate victory in Oregon. During the interview I focused on the nature of his economic ambitions.

I started by asking him about whether or not he believes in property rights. He said ” Yes. Of course I believe in property rights! The rights of the majority to take away property from the rich… it’s their right!”. After answering my first question he worked himself into coughing fit which required us to take a 10 minute break. During that time a nurse came in to check his vitals. I asked him if he takes part in Obamacare, he responded “uh-no. That’s for the regular workin-class Americans. I can afford the good stuff- private health insurance”.

Before the interview was over, I asked Bernie if socialism was really the answer, then I brought up the crisis in Venezuela. Bernie said “Eh, Venezuela ain’t that bad. I mean – c’mon. They are almost a socialist paradise. Most Venezuelans are poor, so income inequality isn’t too bad. The government owns major industries, so everyone shares in their failures. And best of all, the bureaucracy is strong enough to really dictate what actions should be taken for the benefit of the people- it’s great.

After his answer on Venezuela we had to end the interview. He was abruptly called to the bathroom by his colon, of which he apparently had little control over.

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