Millennial Dating: A Stoic Approach

You have been texting this girl for a few days, and think you have a shot. Everyday there is a bit of internal torment, “how should I pose this question?…maybe I shouldn’t say this”. You are spending too much time figuring out how to properly respond to each text. Finally after a week, maybe two, things start to fizzle out. You are not sure why, but what are your next steps? Take a stoic approach.

First, leave your desperation at the door. As a guy, I have been there: you see the most beautiful girl “ever”, and when you start talking to her, or you are savvy enough to get her number, you get too involved. Maybe she is stuck in your head all day, your texts are coming off too strong, but you can’t help it. In this case, step back, realize you are getting over involved, and remember you do not need her. Some great advice from Seneca is that you should approach friendship and companionship, not out of desperation or need, but from a place of enrichment. You do not need this girl to like you or date you, she is someone you want to date because you think it would be fulfilling, maybe even meaningful, but not out of necessity. Remember, you do not need her!

Next, deal with the consequences and move on. Always take a swing when your intuition tells you, but be deal with results as they are out of your control. If the girl doesn’t want to go out with you, but she is the “girl of your dreams”, you have to deal with it. It is okay if you need to shed a tear and feel temporarily depressed after rejection. You cannot control some of these automatic emotional responses. However, you cannot let yourself stay in those initial emotional states. Let the sadness in, let in the disappointment, and use it as energy to drive you towards your next goal. You can achieve this by comparing you to your old self. When you take social risks and ask girls out, remember that an earlier you might not have taken those risks. Look at the positive aspects of your interaction that demonstrate your improvement, then try to learn from the negative aspects.

Remember that sometimes a woman is just not into. There doesn’t always need to be complex mental math about why a prospect didn’t work out. Sometimes timing, situations, and preferences are not in your favor, that’s okay, just keep trying and don’t over think the failures.

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